The Silent Screams


Men do not voice out their problems. In most, if not all cultures, men has to be strong, or at least perceived to be strong. Doing otherwise will earn you mockery. No man wants to be mocked. that is just unacceptable for us men, or unthinkable.

But we do fail. Damn, just trying to write that is already hard. But we do fail, from time to time. In fact in one successful thing we have done, there must be nine failures we have done before that. That’s persistence, its not being strong, just being persistent to tackle the problem.

But what happens in a man’s head when an inevitable failure is imminent? Screams. Long ones. I scream in my head. I temporarily doubt if i can solve this problem. These are my silent screams. but they are all in my head only. In my mind. and then a long blank stare on nothingness. My mind goes numb, not really because of the circumstances but by choice. We want to forget these things as they were not real. How long those blank stares in nothingness is just indescribable.

I’m trying to write these things to vent out and see if I can see and think clearly afterwards. My silent creams do not help at all. But something in me says do something to vent out frustrations, its called fear. and for a split-second screaming in my head is good, that is while grasping my skull so hard and opening my mouth so wide as if i were really screaming. We men think its more “macho” or manly to keep the problems to yourself. I was raised by a military man. We were taught to be self-sufficient and that includes solving your own problems. Thus whining is a no-no, as you’d probably get scolded for it.

We fail sometimes. maybe more than we could remember, but as men, do not remind us of it. I’d rather have a fistfight , get bloodied and all rather than be reminded that i have failed. We don’t want to talk about it because in our minds we are already doing something about it. We would rather fail so many times and only brag about the last time that we are successful with it. Get a clue women, if you want your men to love you more.

When failure is imminent , those long silent screams in my head is accompanied with imaginary physical aggression. Im athletic by nature and have done formal martial arts training when i was in college so physical aggression is something i do think about. But the physical aggression is towards myself, scolding myself that i could have done better to avoid failure. I know i could have done better so failing was my fault alone.

Years ago, this would not be silent screams in my head. I’ll find a way to vent it out. But i have found the bible and have been trying , so hard, to put those bible teachings in my heart. However hard life is, specially in the Philippines where corruption is ingrained in the most simple of situations, I try to see the goodness in everyone. and when problems surface, I try to figure out what god has said in those situations. God bless all the pastors and the church who have tried and give effort what those scriptures meant. They truly are helpful. Life is not easier though, in fact it might have been tougher. But God’s words are there to guide us through each situation.

On FEAR – Joshua 1:9 Have not I commanded you? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with you wherever you go

On LACK – Matthew 6:25-27 Therefore I tell you, stop being perpetually uneasy (anxious and worried) about your life, what you shall eat or what you shall drink; or about your body, what you shall put on. Is not life greater [in quality] than food, and the body [far above and more excellent] than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father keeps feeding them. Are you not worth much more than they? 27 And who of you by worrying and being anxious can add one unit of measure (cubit) to his stature or to the span of his life?

On HOPE – Romans 5:5 Such hope never disappoints or deludes or shames us, for God’s love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit Who has been given to us

hope_never_dissapoints

On FAITH – Luke 17:6 And the Lord answered, If you had faith (trust and confidence in God) even [so small] like a grain of mustard seed, you could say to this mulberry tree, Be pulled up by the roots, and be planted in the sea, and it would obey you.

It does take a bit of understanding and repetition to put these words into someone’s heart. Just a like a muscle, faith needs exercise. And with a bit of exercise faith becomes stronger. I’m far from being strong in terms of anything, but Im doing the exercises, right after the silent screams in my head.

And I would try to “cry to the God of Israel, saying, Oh, that You would bless me and enlarge my border, and that Your hand might be with me, and You would keep me from evil so it might not hurt me! And God will grant me my request! (based on 1 Chronicles 4:10)

I started this article to vent out. I already have screamed in my head. I have problems. I need a miracle. But’s God Grace has taught me to end this with possibilities instead of questions.

May God Bless you today, whatever your situation is. because there are (for sure) people that has got it worse more than me. In the Lord’s prayer we ask for our daily bread, because each day has enough problems sufficient for a day.

Long LifeWhat to think, say, do.

UA-434359-4